Anyway, it’s time to start thinking about new hobbies. Seriously. What will happen when the water gets so polluted that we can’t go in the ocean anymore. Wavepools? See, pool party season will take on a whole new meaning. I’ll be wearing the “Kiss The Cook” bib and barbecuing right next to the funnest righthander in Montana. Maybe not.

So, being the brilliant thinker I am I came up with a new outlet for all the surf photographers who are getting fingered by the bad waves like me. It’s bird watching! You think that’s funny? It’s not. Last week I was at my local beach when I saw a bunch of interesting looking people looking interested at the very, very dirty creek that runs out where we surf every day. We call it the sewer. I’ve seen baptisms, weddings, bum fights, and all kinds of weirdness happen next it to it, but these people had binoculars, big camera lenses, and camouflage gear. When asked what they were doing they said that during the annual San Diego bird count they came across a rare Northern species of bird that’s a 1000 miles too south and hangs out with us at the beach.

“Wow, how cool,” I thought. I began looking for it thinking it had some kind of crazy white fur and a cackle and dove down into the water like a missile. Even though the bird watchers were snobby I began looking too. They, like me, f…king hate it when people see your lens and come up and ask what and who your shooting. So I did it to them anyway. Come to find out it was a Rusty Blackbird. Cool, right? I got into the search. It was like looking for feathered treasures.

I was still looking for a cool looking black bird, but didn’t see it and turned back to looking at shitbag surf. Then, about an hour later, I saw the frenzy. Dudes were losing their cookies shooting photos at the tables everyone eats at next to the sewer. “What the heck are they shooting?” I thought. “Oh, they’re practicing on the menacing little blackbirds that eat the crumbs from the giant breakfast burritos people can’t finish. Wait, Blackbirds. They’re shooting those?”

Our little wayward rusty-backed buddy was partying with his cousins, kind of like going a thousand miles inland to party with some inbred relatives. But the thing that confused me was it “was one of those.” When I told my friends they said, “Oh really, one of those?” Not what I thought it would be. You know? But now, all the bird watchers are coming to our beach to see the Rusty Crumbcatcher or it’s new scientific name Breakfastus Burritus.

So there, a very uninteresting story about a very uninteresting hobby that can be a great outlet for surf photographers when the surf gets very uninteresting. Pray for surf.

I know, this is the dumbest blog you’ve ever read, but really, as a surfer, don’t you ever sit and think, “Wow, what would my life be without it?” The reason I bring this up is we’re going through a super flatspell that’s topped with consistent storm patterns. If it wasn’t for all the chaos in my life right now, I’d be going a little mad. I mean, my life, like yours (if you’re reading this) probably centers around waves and the search for them. It consumes a lot of my time and thoughts and is truly what I center myself around.

Which leads me to my original thought…what the heck do people do otherwise. I know, I know, there’s a million and one other interests besides surfing and skating, but it all sucks or you need other people. Basketball is cool, but you need to be tall and have tall friends and a big-ass Expedition in…who wants to deal with that? I also like to paint, but that’s for when it’s dark out or I’m sick.

I also wonder about people who are enthusiasts for such things as model planes. They build they’re landing areas and sit there and do loops for a few hours and then go home…now what? And city dwellers…if you live in Chicago and work at the Beef Exchange, what do you do after work or on weekends? In cities like Chicago that ’s why sports teams do so well….there’s nothing else to do. I don’t get big city life. How can you do it and not lose your cookies?

What about these photos of Mick Fanning playing footy (by Dorsey) or CJ playing tennis (by Straley), what do you think they would be doing? Mick would be disco dancing on the Goldie and CJ would be a pro fly fisherman…not really. But you get my drift. That’s why I’m grateful for surfing (and skating), because life otherwise would suck and I would be like the millions of other people in the world who wake up, look at thewindow, and go, “Okay, now what?”

For a few years now I’ve spent a lot of time on the North Shore for the Triple Crown. However, this year, instead of the usual month-long marathon in Hawaii, I spent just one week, brought very little camera gear and clothes and everything else that makes it a heavy plane trip. And because I have so many great photographers already there, it’s worthless for me to try to get anything more…they’ve got it covered. So this year I decided to get a little creepy and stashed the digi and whipped out the 1V and the Hasselblad…I shot film. Yay! It’s almost antichrist to say I still shoot film but I don’t give a f———–k! I love waiting for it to get developed, looking at slides, and most of all the art still involved with it. I’m not trying to create controversy and don’t care, but film is fun…You should do it sometime! Here’s a few…

Which leads me to C?tisms. I?ll add as I go, but here?s some of what I remember:

C?tington Beach-this doesn?t even need a definition. ?Dude, I was cruising down Main Street yesterday, now I know why they call it C?tington Beach.?

C?ter S. Thompson-your bro who?s a writer and an absolute c?t. ?Chris wrote off Kelly again in his article, he?s a total C?ter S. Thompson.?

Jay C?tler-the c?t who quarterbacks the Denver Broncos. ?Freakin Jay C?tler called out Phillip Rivers again?what a c?t!?

C?tstipated-when your break is too crowded with dumbasses. ?Look at all the kooks out here?it?s totally c?tstipated.?

Oxyc?tin-when you drink too much and forgot how much of a c?t you were the night before. ?Jeez, I drank 50 beers last night and don?t know why my nose is broke?must be the Oxyc?tin.?

C?tinental-when an airline charges you 500 bucks for two boards. ?Those f-ckers at C?tinental charged me 500 for my boards again.?

1. Let’s start with lens choice. Fisheye? Pahleeeease. In 2009, the water look will be floating your 600 on a bodyboard in a port and sitting way behind the plethora of other photogs as they get in the way. We want to see tons of bright colored helmets/buoys in the way of the tightest shot possible. Sickie. On land, everyone will be using a fisheye so far in back of the beach you won’t even see the wave…artsy, you know?

2. The second, as this photo of Mick Fanning by Tim Jones shows, is bringing fashion photography into surf more. Due to the success of Abercrombie and Fitch in the surf market, surf brands are instructing their photographers to combine an emo look into surf action. Modeling more instead of surfing is the rage. Look for more hairdressers prepping the surfers in the lineup with the makeup people there as well and maybe some really groovy house beats blaring from the beach. Sad faces with sick turns or vice versa…sick faces with sad turns. The market demands it and we have to give it to them.

3. Cross sport imagery is huge. Luckily Dave Nelson caught Barney in the middle of a photo shoot with his newest sponsor…Head tennis rackets. The current economy has forced athletes to stretch out their options for sponsorship and cross marketing is subsequently creating a newer market for surf photography.

4. No need for sequences. Yep. You read it here. Just use the imagination. I mean, look at this photo of Dave Reynolds. You’d say, “Maaaaaan, he ain’t gonna make it.” But hold up, this is Dane and he does do the unbelievable…let’s just say he made it. Finger flip by Dane courtesy of Chris Straley.

5. Who like costumes? We do! I’m still waiting for a frontside air performed by the San Diego Chicken. I love that crazy chicken! Here’s Rowdy Roddy Piper by Jack English.

So there you have it…the trends of surf photography you’ll be seeing for 2009. Get on the phone call up Sean at SPL Waterhousings and say, “Sean, I want my 600 in a port now!” Get to work.

About three months ago my ears just started popping and closing up. My normal Doctor, Dr. T, sent me to La Jolla to see a specialist-Dr. Bone. Ha! Doctor Bone…get it? The funny thing was I saw my acupuncturist that morning and his name is Dr. Wang, so in one day I was getting pricked Wang and supposed to get drilled by Bone…that’s funny. Anyway, Dr. Bone said, “There’s Surfer’s Ear and then there’s SURFERS EAR…and you have the worst of it.”

Immediately I flashed back to ten or more years ago where I was at a USSF contest in Santa Cruz and the famous Doc Scott, the founder of Docs Proplugs, brought a big truck with a medical camera inside to take photos of everyone’s ears. He took some of mine and showed me exactly how closed up it was and what I needed to do…wear his plugs. And I did. I honestly have worn my plugs all winter religiously since the day Doc told me too.

Then two days ago I had the surgery done by another Doctor, Doctor Beros, who’s really good at it. I asked him if he could take photos and even brought a camera, but he couldn’t because he drills into my head using a microscope. The drilling isn’t the painful part that’s freakin bothering me, it’s the stupid anesthesia making me groggy and stupid and wanting to puke all over everything. Chris just told me how Danny Way never gets it, but Danny Way is a man and I’m a puss…Also, there’s a giant sponge hanging off the side of my ear to protect it and looks like a pager stuck to the side of my head. I went out for Halloween last night because I thought having a sanding block on the side of my head would fit in-it didn’t. I still felt like a dickhead.

Anyway, what’s the point? The point is, wear your damn ear plugs or you’ll end up getting pricked by Bone and looking like a dickhead at a Halloween party. Yeah!

At the Lowers WCT I saw this dude wearing this shirt that said “The Truth” and wanted to steal it. Why? Because it’s the name of my ping-pong serve, not an all-star forward from the Celtics. As you can see by my coworker’s blogs there’s been a lot of welts courtesy of sting-pong lately. True. I’ve taken some and I’ve given some, but it’s the secret behind my own incredible game. The Truth revealed itself years ago when I was fine-tuning my tennis skills and realized my first serve (when it was in) was devastating. “It was like a laser beam,” recalled CJ Hobgood. “Vicious.” Anyway, over the years I translated that serve to the ping-pong table where it’s not uncommon to see an ace or two or ten. “Thank God I have glasses,” said TW Biz Editor Adam Sullivan, “I wouldn’t see it otherwise.” Yeah, that sickie! Now all the haters out there including Justin Cote and my half-ranga friend Sage will deny it, but it really is badass. Chris Cote, who commonly changes the score for his favor (and why I call him Derek Cheater) will deny it as well. The bottom line is “they can’t handle The Truth.” 

Our good friends at Chemistry surfboards are about two things: innovation and pleasing their female consumers. To prove it, they recently decided to unveil a fin they think will change the surfing world forever called the Wanged Keel. Designed by shaper Wally “Hot Chocolate” Puha, the fins performance is based upon the theory of an easier glide and performance in the pocket. According to new team rider Blake Jones, the new fin has increased his size dramatically, “Yeah, before I wasn’t getting the push I needed in the smaller surf at home, but with the new Chem fin I’m getting a lot more thrust in my thruster and I’m surfing a lot bigger waves. I’m actually lasting in the water a lot longer.”  The ladies in Florida couldn’t agree more…

I was watching Drive Thru on Fuel, again, and it made me think of my favorite human on Earth-Greg Browning. A while back Chris Cote came back from the Dude Cruise trip with Ry Craike and was talking about a You Tube clip called The Legend Of Old Greg. Greg Browning was also on that trip and I think it came up because of him. Greg’s the guy who produces all the Drive Thru’s and also does numerous other films besides being a bad-ass surfer. Anyway, this is dedicated to my good buddy up in the South Bay. Please watch it and start planning your next Halloween costume around it. Yeah!

“You know what this is? It’s Greg’s vagina-I’ve got a mangina!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0S6vL0-u58